Maybe it is the time of the season, or maybe I haven't been getting enough sleep, or maybe I am beginning to really show my age!
I have always hated most generic golf comments like "nice putt...does you husband play" and the good old "never up....never in", but I always managed a fake little chuckle and a smile and the group all laughed like it was the first time they had heard the expression,but now I am sick of it!!
I am making it a point now when anyone in my group utters any of the following lines, phrases or expressions that I will immediatley ask them to leave my group.
1. "Drive for show putt for dough"....puh leeeze stop saying this...please...like right now!!
2. The golf course is in great shape but the greens should be faster"...really...what did you shoot? 59...60 what??? You shot 95 and you want them faster? Really? Nobody needs greens running 13 on the stimp.
3. "Worm Burner" isn't it time we called is something else like a skim shot, or bump and burn or something, but anything! People don't even ackknowledge this expression anymore!
4. I hate when a guy tells me "that was your BEST of the day", why don't you just say "wow you sucked all day long, I can't believe you actually hit one we don't have to search for". I don't need you critiquing my game ok.
5. I also have a real problem (call it a phobia) with people talking to my golf ball when it is either in the air or rolling towards the hole. I used to tell people before we teed of that I don't like it when you talk to my ball, so if you can zip it for 18 holes I would appreciate it, but it became harder and harder for me to find a game. It never fails when my ball is right in the jaws tracking towards the hoel someone yells "great putt" and out of nowhere the thing dives hard left and does a power lip out. Never talk to a ball until it has stopped!!! EVER.
6. Thurman Munson died in 1979 yet thousands of times every day on golf courses across North America, people say...."that was my Thurman Munson...dead Yank" BORING!!
7. The only thing worse than the "Thurman Munson" is the guy that says.... "This one looks like a Lance Armstrong" when putting
8. "Mark me down for a double!" How about I mark you down for what you actually shot. I hate these guys that never post more than double because "their handicap won't allow it", yet everyone laughs when I sink a five footer for a ten and they say "You're a Pro?"
9. When someone hits a nice shot on a par three I want to kill the guy that yells out "Were gonna be drinking tonight" and the ball plugs in the lip of the front bunker.
10. It also really upsets me when I ask a guy what he is putting for and he always gives me his net score. Gross score is the only thing that matters until the ball is in the hole. Ok....lets just leave it at that
Finally the most frustrating of all is the guy that says "Doesn't anyone fix ball marks at this course? I must have fixed like 50 on the last hole".
In twenty years in the golf business I have never managed to figure out who leaves all the ball marks, who doesn't fix divots or rake the bunkers. It must be a band or some gang that comes to courses in the dead of night and does this, becuase everyone I talk to says it's someone else. Sure it is....
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